Change in my blog!

September 8, 2010 at 7:51 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I decided to switch my blog to blogger.  Come visit me there!!


My name is not Helen.

September 2, 2010 at 8:12 pm | Posted in Newly tasted foods, pre-op | 1 Comment

Sorry it’s been a while.

I went this morning for pre admissions stuff at the hospital.  I got there early, brought all of my meds and my cpap.  First lady just took my info and insurance card and ID.  She went on to tell me good luck – and that next time, she won’t even recognize me.

I can barely believe I’m doing this!!

Then I get up to the area where I will meet with a few nurses and the Anesthesiologist.  I am the only one waiting in this area.  I hear someone say “(something not understandable, but not my name), have you had surgery here before?”  I looked around, figured she was talking to me.  Then answered no.

5 minutes later she comes back out and says “(something that sounds like Helen), if you’ll step over here, we can get started”.  I look around again, and get up.  I ask her what name she is using.  Turns out there is someone having some surgery named Helen with my last name.  First, my name is Paige.   Next, I’ve only been married almost 2 years and was 35 when I got married.  So, I’m not used to my new last name in some ways – and it’s way more common than my maiden name.  But thank goodness I said something – or I might have ended up with an amputated foot or chemotherapy or something.

Made me laugh.  Nervously.

I’m just ready to move on to the surgery, honestly.  The thing keeping me calm and on course is reading everyone else’s blogs.  I love seeing what others are experiencing.  I am trying to eat according to the broad plan they gave me, but struggling a little.

I am planning to join Weight Watchers at Work next week.  I just think I need a way to stay accountable and still track what I am doing.  Our company pays half of the cost upfront – and then reimburses you the other half if you attend 10 meetings.  So, it isn’t going to hurt me.  I’ll just need to modify the points and such.  I figure both things together will be the tools I use long term for success.

I’m looking forward to a long weekend – getting some things done and just relaxing too.

oooo – I love trying new foods and things out there.  I found the new flavors of Laughing Cow cheese – the blue cheese flavor.  Soooo good.  I put some in a lean burger the other night and grilled it.  So yummy.  Highly recommend for someone who loves the taste of blue cheese!  35 calories….

Until later….

A chance to win!!

August 30, 2010 at 8:05 am | Posted in contests, other bloggers | Leave a comment

I’m sure many of you have already discovered  If you haven’t, RUN over there now!  You’ll get lost in all sorts of yummy recipes for great protein based foods. 


Right now she is giving away a collection of Torani SF Syrups for you to use in said protein based foods – desserts and shakes and the like!  So, make sure you sign up to win!!

Nesting, kind of….

August 29, 2010 at 3:02 pm | Posted in Insecurity, nesting, pre-op | 2 Comments

So, I have this urge to clean the whole house.  The goal – to have a clean house by my surgery date.

I am certain that this is partly a way for me to get my life in order, get ready for the transition, etc.  But there is a part of me that can’t wait to have the surgery and then spend like a week thinking only of myself.  For once to not worry much about work or the ones I love – but to think about myself.

I love my family and friends.  I love my husband and our dog.  I love being with people and my deepest fear is that people don’t want to be with me.  That’s a whole other post, for another day.  Anyway, I rarely do things just for me.  I feel like my life consists of what to cook, plan, clean, do for others.  And this – THIS – is the first best excuse to focus on me.

Of course, life still happens everyday, so I need to work ahead to plan to keep things moving and in a good place while I spend this week focusing on me.  Hence the cleaning, nesting binge.

I have spent today giving our main bathroom a thorough cleaning.  Tub, walls, floor, toilet, floor behind the toilet, sink – all clean!  It feels good.  I hope tonight to spend a little time weeding out the cabinet below the sink in there.

The rest of the rooms will follow.  I love the peacefulness of a clean house.  I also hope this peacefulness will lead to a relaxing recovery.  I have goals for that period of time – me-goals, of course.  They include:


reading magazines

purging magazines


deleting personal email

deleting work email (I regularly get the “sorry, your box is too full to send a message” message, and usually at a critical moment when I need to send a message)


sitting with my feet in a pool of water

attempting to give myself a pedicure, and definitely a manicure.

Throw in a bunch of drinking water and liquids, and it’s a regular ol’ party, dontcha think?

Did anyone else nest before their surgery?

Ack – do I need this!!!

August 26, 2010 at 12:30 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

I am really struggling to stick to the pre-op diet.  And it is real food, even – not liquid or crazy.  Just moderate eating.  Dear God.  My husband started back to classes and he has night classes 4 nights a week.  So I am lacking motivation to come home and cook for myself.  That leads to the excuse that allows for me to stop and grab something – and then leads to not so healthy choices in the drive thru.

Went to see my Primary Care Dr for the ok for the surgery.  I made him do the whole lot of tests, so I’d have a good baseline for later when I go to follow up.  I also talked to him about feeling a little depression kicking in.  Actually, it’s probably been there for a while.  Just increased irritability and I cry really easily.  I don’t sleep well – those sorts of things.  We decided to wait until after the surgery, so we can better see about treatment.

I also have the name of a therapist, who it turns out happens to focus on eating disorders.  I am trying to work up the courage to set up an appointment with her.  It’s so odd that I am procrastinating on it.  I believe in therapy.  I have been to a therapist before and liked it.  My father is a therapist, for goodness sakes.  Clearly, I need to talk to her. 😉  And it would be good to work on all of me, not just the physical part.

I’m struggling a little with telling people about the surgery.  Just don’t want the scrutiny or the judging or even being a topic of conversation for people.  I am also getting a “nesting” bug, as if I were pregnant.  I’m not.  I have this urge, though, to clean and organize and have things in place before the surgery, so while I am off I can just focus on me and relax and enjoy things that I want to enjoy.

Tomorrow I start again.  I plan my day, I make good choices.  I drink my water.  One. Day. At. A. Time.

Has anyone else felt the nesting urge?  How many people did you tell before your surgery?

Tough Start

August 19, 2010 at 12:18 am | Posted in bad food day, WLS (weight loss surgery) | Leave a comment

Last night was my first of 2 pre-op meetings.  They went through all the things that will happen and then the diet to follow between now and day of.

I also had the pleasure of weighing in.  I am officially at my highest weight evah.  Awesome.  I go around reading blogs and posts and such of fellow bandees and they all lost tons before the surgery – by tons I mean more than 20 or 30 pounds.  I’ve managed to hold and gain – just a little.  Lovely.  So, I need to kick it into gear these 4 weeks, so that I don’t gain more or even just hold still.

I had the day planned, following the plan laid out.  But it ended up being a crazy day at work.  So, no mid morning snack.  Didn’t love the protein shake I tried out for breakfast, so only had 1/2 of it. Lunch was ordered in for a meeting I had.  I assumed P@nera – I was right.  I thought – ok, you can handle this.  Chicken Caesar is almost always a choice – I will get that and then pick off croutons, and dressing on the side.  I’ll be fine.

Until my only choices were sandwiches.  I chose a turkey and bacon one.  I took off the tomato and turkey and bacon and ate that – with only 1/2 of 1 slice of bread and 1/4 of a piece of cheese.

I should have gotten up and thrown it all away then.  But instead I proceeded to eat the chips and cookie.

Tomorrow is a new day.  Hopefully it will be better and not involve such craziness.

Tonight I had spaghetti squash with soy crumbles and light sauce and some cheese.  Yummy and filling and a choice I was proud of.

I have to keep remembering, I got here with bad habits and I won’t turn them off overnight.  I just need to be patient – and diligent.

Just Getting Started

August 17, 2010 at 1:42 am | Posted in Faith, Insecurity, WLS (weight loss surgery) | Leave a comment

Hi blogosphere.

Here I am – putting it all out there for the world – but only to those who choose to click here and read.

You see, I am getting ready to have weight loss surgery.  Specifically, I will have a band put around part of my stomach to fool my head and body into feeling full.  September 16th is the day.

I’m not telling the world as I know it.  I have told my parents, my sister and brother-in-law and a handful of friends.  I wouldn’t have gotten here without my husband.  He had the same surgery in December.  I struggle with telling people.  In a life where I have felt judged by my size, I am not ready yet to be judged by my choice for how to deal with this.

In fact, I struggled with even making the decision.  I’ve always been one who can be decisive.  I’ve always been the one people come to for advice.  And I’ve always been able to set out to do something – and been successful to some level.

Except for losing weight.

Up, down, up, down.  We all know the pattern.  Lose some, gain some.  Blah blah blah.  It’s just as easy as calories in, calories out.  Isn’t it???  Why do I need surgery?  Am I a failure?  I can’t do this right?

Well, it is what I now believe I need.  The tool for guiding me.  The reminder that I’m not hungry for real – but in my mind.

So, here I go.  One month to go.  Tomorrow I meet with the dietician and get a feel for the upcoming month and the time immediately afterward.

And so it begins.  Once upon a band…. Continue Reading Just Getting Started…

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